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Voices in the night

Wed, 03 Jun 2009 13:58:33 GMT

Our house is kind of in limbo land. We live on the edge of Florence and North Omaha. Florence is a little historic town that, I guess is part of Omaha but still has its own unique character of a blue-collar mostly white Midwest neighborhood (those of you who know more about Florence can correct my assumptions). North O' however, is an urban, mostly African American, economically depressed part of Omaha where its not uncommon to see houses that are boarded up, bars are on windows, police helicopters hovering frequently looking for who-knows-who and sometimes, people on our street have been suspected of dealing drugs.

Nevertheless, our neighborhood is usually peaceful apart from the booming bass playing from souped up classic Mercury sedans.

The peace was broken late last night. I woke up hearing someone yelling, "hold it right there!" followed by more yelling and a woman's voice screaming expletives. Looking out our bedroom window out over the backyard, I could see a flashlight's beam moving around the backyard of a house two or three houses down from ours. But the yelling soon stopped so I went back to sleep.

This morning while i was working in my garden, I heard three people fighting in that same backyard. So I did the natural thing--I paused "This American Life" on my MP3 player and tuned into an unedited version of "This North O' Life". And it payed off. I found out what took place last night.

Apparently, the woman I heard screaming last night was the owner of the house and her tenant--the one who yelled, "Hold it right there"--owed her rent money. So she and her boyfriend had come over last night to steal his car. What they didn't plan on was that the tenant would hear them and come out with a flashlight and a gun. Fortunately for them, he recognized them and didn't actually shoot.

The rest of the story was just as interesting. The tenant said he didn't have the money because he owed money to someone else. The landlady took her screaming and sheer number of expletives up a notch (apparently you can use the 'f' word for more verbs and nouns than I had previously thought possible) and unfolded a story that i pieced together for you (edited for grammatical clarity and G rating):

"What do you mean you owe money to someone else? You owe money to me fool!... And they (who 'they' are is not crystal clear to me but 'they' don't seem to be nice people) are going to come after me cause I couldn't sell the stuff. I have to have the money you owe me or else they are gonna' wan tot kill me. If they come after me, I'm gonna'' send them after you cause you have the money I owe them."

Again, 'they/them' must not be nice people and I do not think that the 'stuff' was old lawn furniture and used clothes on Craig's List because the tenant seemed to change his own story and decided to try to come up with the money he owed by the end of the day.

That was about it. After that, they talked in, what I label with my own children, 'inside-voices'.

Now, I tell this story with some sarcastic humor. But that does not mean that I am poking fun at these people and the little drama that unfolded in my neighborhood last night. The reality is, there are people who live around us that have tragic situations going on in their lives every day. Teenage kids whose step-dad verbally abuse them, single moms who have a different guy living with them every month. And at the same time, we have people who really try to care for each other and help their neighbors or give a kind word to the kids. Its not a neat little package that makes sense. Its a paradox. Welcome to a little slice of our lives in Omaha.

January 2009 Prayer Letter

Mon, 22 Dec 2008 12:09:21 GMT

Dear Friends and Family,

"The Lord be exalted, who delights in the well-being of His servant." Psalm 35: 27a

Several weeks ago, I was on the phone with a noted psychologist in the field of missionary care. We were discussing my new role in Word Made Flesh (WMF) and the development of some of the initiatives we are instituting in the WMF Community Care Center. He shared this verse with me from Psalm 35 and reminded me that God truly delights in the well-being of His servants.

Last week, I attended a conference of about 150 people who are involved in care-giving (Member Care) to missionaries. It was encouraging and affirming to be surrounded by people who share with me a similar vocational expression of their calling: Supporting overseas staff in spiritual formation, mental and emotional well-being, and physical vitality. The message was clear; as Psalm 35 says, God truly does delight in the well-being of his servants.

Returning to work after the conference, I was struck by the reality that it is not as simple as I would like it to be. Though our overseas staff members need care and I am in the position to support them through resourcing, preparing them for what they will face and helping them walk through critical events in their lives, I am faced with the fact that there are many outside of the mission who are not convinced of the value of my current role vs. my previous role as an overseas missionary.

This dynamic of the value of overseas ministry compared to the value of a supporting role from within the USA plays out beyond my own experience and communicates a mixed message to the mission's community in general. A missionary going overseas can raise support for their ministry with relative ease compared with a missionary called into a supporting role—even when that supporting role is directly linked to the sustainability of the missionary going overseas. This indirectly communicates a message to the overseas missionary that they are being supported for what they do and the ministry they have been called to but not necessarily for their own well-being; not their felt needs or the felt needs of their family. And the message to the supporting missionary is that their calling is invalidated because they are not serving (or no longer serving) overseas. I do not think that anybody involved in the sending and supporting of missionaries would say that was what they believed or how they felt. And yet, this message is being sent indirectly if not directly to missionaries on a regular basis. It is most clearly communicated in how budgeting decisions are made. For instance, a mission's committee in a church may structure its budget to expend a certain amount of money each month toward supporting overseas missionaries but none to the support network that is essential to ensure those missionaries are able to thrive. It communicates an unintentional assumption that we are more valued for what we do than for who we are—that our worth is in our output.

Consider other ways this is communicated to missionaries. How often do those serving overseas truly feel the freedom to share how they are doing? It is hard to tell people who are supporting you financially that things are going badly or that after two years of language learning you still sound like a five year old. What if they decided you weren't trying hard enough or that their "investment in the Kingdom" could be better placed somewhere else? When they feel that so may of their supporting churches are expecting a positive return on their "investment" it is hard for overseas missionaries to ask for the help they need. They feel the pressure to be above the mental, emotional or spiritual needs that "others" face. Studies show, however, that missionaries serving overseas operate at a much higher stress level than most people living in their home countries. Just the fact that every activity from ministry to paying your bills to ordering a pizza is different—communicated in a different language with a different set of cultural expectations and differing values and world views. Almost every environmental factor a person has come to accept as normal and has integrated into their lives as a part of their culture has changed. It is a process of giving up of self, grieving loses and feeling isolated. These kinds of things create an intense living environment for people serving overseas; an environment that requires specialized support and understanding.

Since I am no longer serving overseas, it is difficult for many to understand the validity of what I do. For the first time in over a decade of raising support, I find myself having to prove the value of what I do. I am aware that there are so many opportunities to give and we always want to ensure that our investment is having the highest possible impact. If you find yourself wrestling with supporting us vs. an overseas missionary, please prayerfully consider these statistics:

One in 20 missionaries who intend to make overseas missions a career choice leave the field permanently every year.
Of those who leave, 71% leave for a lack of factors directly related to what I do—supporting staff in spiritual formation, mental and emotional wellbeing, and physical vitality (8.000 of an estimated 150,000—200,000 missionaries serving overseas leave the field).
Of those who leave the field, 50% leave within the first two years of service.
78% of those leaving within the first two years cite reasons for leaving that could be preventable with adequate spiritual formation, mental and emotional wellbeing, and physical vitality.

*Statistics taken from: Taylor, W. (1997). Examining the Iceburg Called Attrition. Too Valuable to Loose, 13

Our staff members serving with WMF are particularly vulnerable. Many of them serve in some of the most dangerous locations around the world. They serve among those who experience the worst our broken world can throw at people—former child soldiers, abandoned children, girls abducted sold into a life or prostitution. By continuing to financially support Kimberly and I your financial investment will go beyond simply supporting us in ministry. It will directly influence multiple lives serving around the world in some of the darkest places you could imagine. Your investment in the ministry we have been called to will ensure the longevity of Kingdom communities among the poor. The poor whom we all love and desire to see reach their potential in Christ are directly impacted by the thoughtfulness and support that we give to an entire community that ensures sustainable ministries.

We sincerely thank those of you who have already made the decision to continue contributing financially. And for those of you who are discerning, we ask you to prayerfully consider how to continue supporting us in our calling to serve Jesus among the most vulnerable of the world's poor.

Grace and Peace,

Silas West

December Prayer Letter

Mon, 17 Nov 2008 16:58:04 GMT

Dear Friends and Family,

As the Christmas season quickly approaches, our family is more mindful and more reflective about what Christmas looks like for us this year. This will be the first Christmas the six of us have spent in the United States. Usually, for us December is a crazy month—or has been. Prem Ghar’s anniversary is on the 18^th of December and we have always attended a party to celebrate the beginning of our ministry with the Ammas (Mothers). Karuna Ghar always has something going on as well. In the past, Kimberly and I have been actively involved in planning Christmas activities for the girls at KG (including the annual KG Christmas Pageant). December is also a time when many of our North American staff members prepare to travel during the holiday season and so, ad Filed Directors, we coordinated that with them. We could rarely catch our breath and take a step back. Somewhere we tried to find time to celebrate Christmas as a family.

This year, it will be different. It will be just us. Though it seems that this is so good (and probably will be), the truth is, we miss all the excitement and especially the people we have celebrated Christ’s birth with for so many years. We feel a painful void in our lives as we anticipate this Christmas without them. This year will be so different. We are glad that in the midst of the grief, we have an opportunity to step back, reflect and appreciate this season more perhaps than we have in the past. We can form some new traditions as a family and do things we couldn’t do in Nepal, like hang up lights on our house. Our tree will be bigger and perhaps we will have some snow. But, still, can Christmas be Christmas for us without Gautam, Rekha, Sumitra, the kids…? Probably not this year. But in time it will.

Last weekend, I had the opportunity to listen to one of our staff members who serves with the Word Made Flesh community in Romania share a reflection on Mary, the mother of Christ. She put up on the screen a picture of the icon you see to the left. Though icons are not something we are used to in our protestant, evangelical traditions, it is a familiar icon in her context which is influenced by the Romanian Orthodox Church. Her reflection was timely as she shared about how Mary’s entire life was lived in submission to God. In this picture, she holds Christ with open hands. She is depicted as one supporting and nurturing Jesus, not dominating or controlling him. It is a picture of submission and obedience. For Mary, her obedience did not come without a price. Her submission led her to endure great pain and sorrow, humiliation, danger and the risk of being a social outcaste. Though she could not have known all she would face, she had to know that accepting God’s call could come with risk; risk of being ostracized by her community and possibly a life of exclusion and isolation. Nevertheless, she obeyed.

In no way do I compare our situation of leaving Nepal and the struggles we face with adjusting to life here to Mary’s sacrifices. Her example of answering God’s call with obedience and even gratitude (see Mary’s Song in Luke 1:46-55), however, reminds me that as we continue to walk in obedience to God, it may come at a price. We may be called away from those we love and enter into an experience that is new and strange and, perhaps, frightening. Whenever things get scary, don’t we all often try to control our circumstances? Mary’s response was to trust. Please pray for our family as we strive to be obedient to God’s call on our lives. Our hearts are still aching for our community in Nepal though we know we have been called to serve the Word Made Flesh community from here in the United States. Pray that we can respond without fear that leads to control but rather, trust which leads to submission and obedience.

Every month we look at a report of the financial support that has come in for us. We are humbled at the generosity of those who support us. Many of you have been with us for eleven years. You have believed in us and what God is doing in and through us and you've faithfully prayed for us as we have stepped forward in response to God’s call on our lives. We trust that you also grow alongside us as together we journey through the joys and sorrows of our friends in an impoverished and broken world.

Though Kimberly and I are no longer in Nepal, I am serving those same friends in Nepal as well as many others around the world by offering support for the emotional and mental well-being of our staff. Your financial and prayer support fuels our calling to continue in ministry with the community of WMF.

Henri Nouwen beautifully addressed the spirituality of fund-raising in his booklet, The Spirituality of Fundraising. He highlights the spiritual community created in the giving and receiving of money. I want to honor you-our spiritual community- and thank you for building this community with us. In our partnership with you, we can see Christ's ongoing discipleship in our life, pressing us to greater faith, gratitude and generosity, as well as humility. We pray that you find a similar experience of personal growth as you give of your finances.

If you are not currently partnering with us financially, we want to ask you to seriously consider. In the last few months, Kimberly and I have not raised enough to recover the expenses of relocating our family to the United States. As we have communicated in recent letters, though I am now serving in the US office of WMF, we are still committed to raising 100% of our finances, and we are committed to living simply on a needs-based salary. In addition to the monthly support we require, we still need nearly $8,000 to get our support account out of the red. So, we are praying for more people to stand with us in this spiritual community that believes in the calling God has on our lives. If 50 people were able to give $150 or 80 people gave $100, our support account would be in the black again.

We would be honored to include you in the spiritual community that has formed over the years in this generous movement of giving and receiving. Will you prayerfully consider joining us in this way?

If you would like to increase your monthly giving, make a one time donation, or begin monthly donations, please fill out the enclosed response form and send it in with your check. An automated deduction form has been included as well for those of you who may like the convenience of having your donations automatically deducted from your bank account. Lastly, our WMF website has made it possible to donate money in a safe, secure and convenient way. Just go to the website and click on the Donate Now link. Be sure to clearly designate the gift as “the West’s support”.

We pray for a blessed Christmas for each of you. May it be life giving for you and for those who surround you. May your hearts be filled with anticipation of Christ’s return and the hope He brings for today. You are a cherished part of our lives and we are humbled by your continued commitment to us and your belief in God’s calling on our lives.

With Love,

The Wests

Halloween

Fri, 31 Oct 2008 15:24:45 GMT

Halloween is a controversial holiday for many Christians. Its roots in ancient Celtic and Druidic rituals are not in question. And the subject matter--witches, spirits, the dead, black cats...--are far more questionable than the links in some of our Christmas and Easter celebrations to pagan symbols (is a Christmas Tree really a fertility symbol?). Nevertheless, we cut up a pumpkin last night and put a candle into it. Not to scare away Druidic prists who might chance by to carry off our virgin daughters for human sacrifices, but because its kind of fun and just creepy enough when you turn out the lights to be a bit exciting for the kids. Maybe by next year we will think differently about it. But this year, at least our daughters will be safe--just kiding.

We also intend to take the kids out for a little bit tonight. They have no idea what Halloween is and do not carry much in the way of expectations. They think its pretty amazing that if they put on their costumes someone would give them candy--let alone more than one person. We are just going to go to a few friend's houses and show off the costumes (a pirate, a pumpkin fairy princess--don't ask, an attacking monkey--the only kind Elijah knows, and a dog). The weather looks great and it should be fun.

This link to a monologue by Jerry Seinfield explains it all: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lfk2me7p9us

All the same to me

Fri, 10 Oct 2008 13:19:36 GMT

When I was living in Kenya, people who were new to the country would always get confused about who people were. They would say in confidence, "Everyone here looks the same to me. Everyone has dark skin, dark hair and dark eyes. No wonder I get confused". What I found really funny was that the Kenyan people also thought that Westerners all looked alike to them. They would say, "At least we have different tones of skin color; red, brown, black... But these white people are all just white. How do you tell each other apart?"

I thought that was just my experience in Kenya. However, shortly after arriving in Nepal, I found out that Nepali people have a similar difficulty telling foreigner people apart. We just look too much alike for many of them. And some of our visitors had a hard time in reverse.

Last week, as Adia was going to her ballet class, the other mothers and daughters were converging on the entrance to the building where the classes were being held. Little girls in pink leotards and tutus were calling out, "Hi Adia!." Kimberly had a little emotional moment as she realized Adia has friends in her class. So she asked Adia about it. Adia replied, "Yes I have many friends." So Kimberly asked her what their names were. Adia said, "I don't know. I get so confused. They all look the same to me. And their names are so difficult to remember." I laughed so hard.

Touching the Divine

Wed, 08 Oct 2008 14:39:38 GMT

There is something intrinsic within us as humans that desire access to the divine. For some it leads them to "discover the god/goddess within themselves", witchcraft, or association with a cult. For others, it leads them on a search for truth. I believe that even those who deny the existence of God are often reacting to their own frustrated attempts to touch the divine.

Nepal has millions of gods and goddesses. Many of them are frightening just to look at when they are represented in statue or picture form. But one just makes me sad. It is the Kumari or living goddess. It is a centuries old tradition of choosing a young girl from a specific caste to be the living goddess, Kumari, from the age of three or four years old until she enters puberty. The process of choosing the Kumari involves prists and astrologers who study the stars and horoscopes to find out which period of time the new goddess would be born in. Then they choose a selection of girls from the Shakya caste who are the correct age. After a series of tests where they look for the child with perfect skin, eyes, and teeth, the little girl chosen must spend a night in an unlit room with the bloody heads of ritually sacrificed bulls and goats. If she shows no fear, she is the "chosen one".

Nepal recently chose their latest Kumari, a three year old girl named Matani Shakya. Not only will Matani never know what it means to be a child and have her every move dictated by prists, she will never be allowed to return to her family until she begins menstruation. At that point, she will loose her status as a deity and be thrust into "normal" life. When her usefulness as a living goddess has ended, she will be discarded by the religious system she was born into and willfully or not, served faithfully. Many former Kumari goddesses never fully readjust and suffer a life of loneliness and isolation. They grow up without friendships or the skills to develop meaningful relationships. They do not learn the social skills that most children develop. There is a superstition that men who marry a Kumari die young. In Nepal, a woman who does not marry does not have an identity. These are the kinds of struggles Matani Shakya will face in ten or so years when her time as Kumari is over.

We can touch the divine. But it is not by placing our foreheads to the feet of little girls or in making blood sacrifices. We touch the divine when our own efforts come to an end and we realize His presence. In the presence of the Divine, we discover that we are His Beloved; that we have intrinsic value and worth. God's love is humanizing and confronts the structures and systems that devalue humanity. It does not perpetuate them.

I was sad to read that Nepal appointed a new Kumari. Sad mostly for Matani. Sad that in their attempts to reach out to the divine, those who worship Matani as the living goddess and thereby perpetuate this custom, will forever change how she views herself and how others see her. Only in touching The Divine can that be changed for her.

Bike'ing it to work

Tue, 16 Sep 2008 14:25:02 GMT

In Nepal I got around Kathmandu mostly on an old Diamondback mountain bike. It was not the best bike in the world but it did its job and I loved it.

Since arriving in the States, Kimberly has been looking for a bike for me on craig's list. It has been one disappointment after another. Either its too expensive, too small, not worth the money... I was about given in on a bike that was around $200. Not a bad price for the bike but more than I can really afford. But I needed something to compensate for sitting at a desk all day. But this weekend, Kimberly found a bike for sale way out in West Omaha for $50. All it said was that it was a men's Trek bike. So we decided to check it out. While we were driving out there, I decided that unless it was just too small for me, I would buy it no matter what. Even if I didn't like it, I could make it work for a while. As we drive into the neighborhood, we saw that it was a really nice place. The lady invited me into her 2-car garage which was huge then into a second door which led to another even bigger garage. I codal have fit my whole house into her second garage. Then I saw the bike--it was in really nice shape and perfect size. It looked like a good one, an older model so I was not familiar with it, but good--better than $50. So I bought it.

Got home and looked up reviews about it online and found that lots of people who have had this bike consider it one of the best bikes they owned, that is has a never-die frame, that they don't have the heart to upgrade because they liked it so much. AND that they paid anywhere from $680 to $850 for it! Nice.

Ok, thats the story of how I got it. Now, what do I do with it? I have had it two days now and both of them I used it to ride to work. Its five miles by car from our house to the office downtown. But I use a trail that follows the river. Its scenic, safe and really peaceful. But its a bit out of the way. I thought maybe an extra mile or two. But last night I used Google Maps to find out the distance and discovered that it was 9.35 miles one way. Hmm... so thats why it takes 50 minutes. But it takes me almost as long to take the bus and saves me $2.50!

Here are a couple of pictures of my ride.

New Blog

Tue, 09 Sep 2008 13:53:03 GMT

I was going to change to another blogsite but realized that there are several readers who have just figured out how to get to this site and changing to another one would really throw them off (I'm talking about you mom and dad).

So, instead, I decided to just change this one up a little. Since I am not in Nepal anymore, I guess "News From Nepal" is a bit outdated. The site address is still "silasinkathmandu" which, I clearly am not. But it will work for now.

Thats all for now.

Reflections on leaving Nepal #6: The Goodbyes Have Started

Wed, 23 Jul 2008 16:51:21 GMT

The community gave us a farewell party last week. about 120 or so people were there. It was the start of the goodbyes...

This part is not easy; the farewells. It hardly seems real to us. In fact, it does not seem real. We know we are leaving and we have a nearly packed up apartment to prove it. But it still does not feel like we are leaving. It still feels like we are going on one of our trips back to the states and will be back in a few weeks. So we aren't really leaving, no need for goodbye.

But we really are leaving aren't we? I'm not really liking this goodbye thing. I am kind of afraid of it. It means i have to face the fact that leaving is a reality...

Reflections on leaving Nepal #5: Last Staff Meeting

Tue, 01 Jul 2008 03:35:33 GMT

Today is Staff Meeting when all our full-time staff (Nepali and American) get together to catch up and plan and basically get on the same page for the upcoming two weeks. I have been participating in and usually leading Staff Meetings since 1999 when we started having them. Today is my last one.

My last Staff Meeting also marks the end of our involvement with the Nepal Field in an official capacity.

I know that there are about to be a lot of "firsts" and new beginnings in just a few short weeks. But the number of "ends" and "lasts" are overwhelmingly disproportionate at the moment.

I have been looking forward to being relieved of the responsibilities I have been carrying here. There were times I thought this day would never arrive. But now that its here, I am surprised at how I feel--not as excited as I had imagined. It is harder to let go than I had thought. It is even harder to understand and make any kind of sense out of the mix of emotions going on within me right now.